Time and Fallen Tears

I see hope in blinding city lights
When I take a deep breath in smokey streets
It somehow comfort me
It somehow make me feel alive

At the sight of everyone in pain, I find my self lucky
Lucky to be struggling inside
Happy to know not a single person have an idea what I'm going through
Glad that no one will pity me

There's no water but I'm drowning
Slowly, with words they're smothering me
To go away is not an option
To stay is a decision

Choices are all the same
Explained differently but still the same
Is this fate?
Or just a nightmare, I'll never wake up?

The dam filled with sacred water
Made with pain and memories gained
It broke and made its way down the face
Of a sinner who tried to steal a perfect life

Now is the time
It won't end, it won't stop
Until the red-stained sky becomes black
And the blue ocean becomes dark

Thank You

Thank you because you stood up for me back in kindergarten.
Thank you because you shared the punishment with me back in 1st grade.
Thank you because you helped me survive 2nd grade.
Thank you because you gave me a note pad back in 3rd grade.
Thank you because you spent so much time with me on 3rd grade.
Thank you because you colored my hair back in 4th grade.
Thank you because you helped me in math recitation.
Thank you because you're there with me and my younger brother when a fire broke out in school and everyone else is in panic.
Thank you because you make me go to libraries in 5th grade.
Thank you for still being my friend that time.
Thank you for ignoring me, but still you're good to me in class.
Thank you for inviting me to your house.
Thank you for those meals with you and your family at lunch in your mom's office.
Thank you for the days in the park we spent together.
Thank you for the movie marathons we had.
Thank you for accepting me in your school in 6th grade.
Thank you for thinking I was a brilliant kid.
Thank you for having a crush on me.
Thank you for playing volleyball with me.
Thank you for being a good friend to me.
Thank you for betraying me.
Thank you for telling me I'm not a good dancer.
Thank you for stealing food in the canteen just for me back in 1st year high.
Thank you for making me the group leader.
Thank you for thinking that I'm a good girl scout.
Thank you for forgiving me when I din't say goodbye.
Thank you for accepting me I transferred to your school half of 1st year high.
Thank you for teaching things I didn't know before.
Thank you for helping me adjust to the new environment.
Thank you for accepting me in glee club.
Thank you for discovering my potentials back in 2nd year high.
Thank you for accepting me as an editorial writer in the school paper.
Thank you for those unplanned adventure in the mountains.
Thank you for helping me in MTAPs.
Thank you for helping me win the student council elections.
Thank you for making me cry because we fought.
Thank you for making me dance again.
Thank you for not discouraging me.
Thank you for sharing the things we like.
Thank you for teaching me how to swim.
Thank you for loving me like I am your youngest sibling.
Thank you for worrying when I was gone.
Thank you for accepting me again in your school at 3rd year high.
Thank you for helping me in Chemistry class.
Thank you for believing in me.
Thank you for making me laugh in boring classes.
Thank you for teaching me how to cheat on exams.
Thank you for singing songs for me.
Thank you for teaching me how to skip classes.
Thank you for treating me on your birthday.
Thank you for sending me home when I was sick.
Thank you for telling me I'm pretty, though I'm not.
Thank you for being my first friend when I transferred school in 4th year high.
Thank you for understanding me in tough times.
Thank you for recognizing my talents.
Thank you because you added me in your circle.
Thank you because you're my most awkward seatmate.
Thank you because you let me copy your answers in Math during exams.
Thank you because you made me realized things.
Thank you because you caught me when I fell.
Thank you because you were there when I thought I lose my friends.
Thank you because you told me my shirt made me looked like a cinnamon roll.
Thank you because you had a crush on me.
Thank you because you're my first dance at prom.
Thank you because you're my last dance.
Thank you because you wanted to dance with me though it's already time to go.
Thank you for the late night talks.
Thank you for that conversation we had that night.
Thank you for cheering me up when I was down.
Thank you for letting me borrow your shoes when I forgot mine.
Thank you for buying me the voodoo doll I wanted.
Thank you for buying me that handkerchief with my name on it, I lost it now, I'm sorry.
Thank you for making me that bracelet and keychain.
Thank you for believing in me.
Thank you for listening to my rants and lies.
Thank you for making me fly when I'm down.
Thank you for approaching me in 1st year in college.
Thank you for staying with me all the time.
Thank you for making me an officer of our department's organization.
Thank you for appreciating my works.
Thank you for teaching me writing sports news.
Thank you for helping me in exams.
Thank you for recognizing me as your best friend.
Thank you for making me the president of sports club in 2nd year college.
Thank you for making me the president-elect of Rotaract club.
Thank you for following my orders.
Thank you for walking around the campus with me at late night.
Thank you for those conversations while drinking milktea.
Thank you for treating me foods.
Thank you for helping me run in the student council elections.
Thank you for the trip to Cebu ticket for my 18th birthday.
Thank you for electing me as student council's secretary on 3rd year in college.
Thank you because you stood up for me during meetings.
Thank you for still giving me projects.
Thank you for choosing me as representative of our school for HIV and AIDS awareness.
Thank you because you helped me with my presentation.
Thank you because you congratulated me when I won essay writing contests.
Thank you because you're not like them.
Thank you for making my heart flutter.
Thank you for being my movie buddy.
Thank you for letting me stay in your house when I don't want to go home yet.
Thank you for making me treat your mom like my mom.
Thank you for sending me home for Christmas.
Thank you for helping me in my narrative report.
Thank you for the island hopping in Mactan Island and islets
Thank you for inviting me in your wedding.
Thank you for meeting me again after five long years.
Thank you for the dinner together after 4 years.
Thank you for making me feel special.
Thank you for the part time job.
Thank you for comforting me when I lost my beloved uncle.
Thank you for making me stay in your house.
Thank you for still supporting me.
Thank you because you're all still there for me.
Thank you because each of you is still there waiting for me.

Stop It, It's Enough!

Sometimes I feel like I'm on fire
It's so hot, I might die
I feel so hopeless, I am tired
Can you tell me, is this life?

Someone's talking bad behind my back
Someone's judging me from afar
Without knowing who I really am
Do they know what I am inside?

If you know me, would you still do it?
If you know my story, would you be brave?
To tell the world, I'm not the girl they think I am
I'm not that someone they say I am

It's not the way I look at you
But the way you look at me
You do what you don't want me to do
Funny, you treat me that way

Don't do unto others what you don't want to be done to you
Haven't you heard of that many times?
Or you didn't understand?
Or you're just the evil you are

Calling all the bullies out there
Aren't you tired of being the loser you are?
Is that how you want to live your life?
Wasted, senseless, lifeless

Are you enjoying the fun you made?
To see someone fall on the ground
To dunk someone's head in the toilet seat
Sticking shameless words on their shirts

Replacing supposed-to-be a wonderful life
With the hell you build up from inside
How does it feel now?
Does it still make you proud?

I'll ask you now,
Are you hurt inside?
Are you hiding a past that it's so painful
You might get crushed

Do you have some unsolved problems in your life?
Why not share it, instead ruining another's life
Don't you think it's unfair?
Don't you think they are struggling too?

You're not the only one in pain,
You're not the only one who is hurting
Every person has wounds unhealed yet
Why would you add more to theirs?

It's scary what you might become
A monster who devours someone's life
A murderer who kills the one's who's living
An evil who fears nothing but himself.

Dear Pretty Boy

Let me tell you a story of a normal girl
Someone who admires you a lot
Who stares at you every minute of the day
Without you knowing I do

I've seen you with so many girls
Most of them got their hearts broken
But, you know what?
I envy them.

They have the courage to approach you
They had spent time with you
And here I am, staring at you again
Wishing you'd give me one glance

All this time, I've been waiting
All these years I've been telling myself
The end is near, and time is slowly fading
When will you look at me? The way you look at her.

Now, I'll introduce myself
If ever you read this,
Please atleast say hi when we meet someday
Or atleast nod at me

I'm this girl who wears eyeglasses everyday
What can I do? I have a poor eyesight
I always tie my hair, because it flies everywhere when I didn't
I don't wear make up, but I put on dark colored lipstick

You see, I'm not a nerd at all
My friends always tell me I'm pretty
I'm not that tall, not too short
I'm tanned, not too dark

I always hang around the canteen with my crazy friends
I can say I'm the loudest among them
But when you pass our way
I can't help but shut my mouth

Don't you notice?
My friends keep on getting your attention
So I can get the chance to say what I'm feeling
But I'm too shy to say anything

You know, I can get a boyfriend
But I didn't
Because I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting for fate to make a way for us

I heard you just broke up with your girl
I wished your okay
And now, you have a new girl, already.
I'm a bit disappointed.

Hi, I'm the girl you never noticed.
But this time, I'll have my own way.
I'll refrain looking at you.
It's time for me to move on.

You're not the guy meant for me.
You're not the guy who would look at me
And this is not a fairytale or a movie
Where you and me are bound to meet

I wish you won't break girl's hearts anymore
You broke mine without doing anything
But it wasn't your fault, I know
It's mine, for being hopeful.

Someday, I'll find my man
Who would only look at me
The way I looked at you before
And I will look at him too, more than the way I do before.

P.S. This is for my friend who had an unrequited love for a schoolmate since our 1st year in college, and we're on our last year now. I hope she finds her one and only.

Death

I wonder what's in your mind on your last breath
I wonder who you last look at until your vision became all dark
If ever you came to the hospital a little earlier, would you still make it?
Or is it destiny? Or fate? Or God's will to take you?

I was so confident that at the break of dawn you'll be back
With much better feeling and is alright
I prayed to God to take care of you
And I guess keeping you to his side was his best option\

I'm sorry I was a coward and never got the chance to say how much I love you
How much I wanted to thank you for taking care of me all these years
Flashbacks of your words kept on running in my mind
Though it didn't mean anything before, it somehow means a lot now

Was it just me? Or everyone else?
I accepted the fact but still regretting.
It's saddening. I couldn't control my tears racing down my face
You are a dad to me after all.

Your words before may cut like a knife, but they are somehow true
I am selfish and sometimes a brat
A small conversation with you is rare
But when we had one, deep points are out

I've always wanted to tell you how I feel but I just can't
I was afraid that you would disagree
I hang out with my friends without you knowing
I don't want you to think I'm neglecting my studies

It's my last year in college, why'd you go?
I thought you'll see me in that stage with a diploma in hand
How am I supposed to study well now?
When the one pushing me to pursue is gone

Are you really gone? I lost direction now.
Give me strength the way you do.
Scold me more to right my wrongs.
I even miss your insults, funny it is, I know.

And now, the people around me don't talk to me anymore.
No one would ask how school was.
I don't know to whom should I ask help
Because I feel more invisible now.

It feels lonely.
No one asked if I'm alright.
No one comforted me once you're gone.
But don't worry, in time, I'll be fine.

And now I realized, no time, no place in particular.
No persons, or feelings, we doesn't know.
Once it's time then it is.
No matter what we'll die anyway.

Cold Lonely Night

Late night and I'm still up
Waiting for something to come
Thinking of the I dreams I made
And how hard it become

It's all like being sent to a war
A battlefield where blood and tears were shed
And all was burned down
Forgotten, unappreciated, and ignored

Tell me why I'm feeling like this
Emotion less, motion less
I can't even think
I don't know what to do when the world around me seems to crash

Kept hearing things you always told me so
Its not even helping
Doing things that doesn't look good to you
Well, I am me

Why do you have to interfere with what I want and what I think?
Are you the one who'll face the consequences
Of the mistakes that I will make
You're not, are you? And I'm right.

Late night and I'm still up
It's harder to breathe now
I'm afraid, if tomorrow I'll be gone
Your happiness it will become

Kicked Out In A Public Library

Whenever I don't have classes it has been my routine to go read in municipal/public library near our neighborhood. I am not someone who stays in school libraries because it's too crowded in there. I find it difficult to concentrate reading when you know that some students think that you are a nerd wanna-be, because it is common in our school that some wears glasses and pretends to read so other people will refer them as nerds. Well, I don't wanna be one of them.

I always stay for two to four hours inside a library, but today was different. In the municipal library, I always find my self alone. Well, there isn't so many people read in a library these days. I feel comfortable about it though.

So I was reading in this library, The Guardian written by Nicholas Sparks. I was inside the library for an hour or so, I kept on reading thinking that the library won't be crowded because it's Friday and a few hours before lunchtime. To think that our country has the anti red tape law, I don't bother going out even if it's lunchtime, also, I visit this library every Monday from ten in the morning to two in the afternoon.

At first, the person-in-charge in the library turned of the air conditioner, it wasn't a big deal for me, I can read without it. But later on, the person-in-charge told me that I needed to go already because he's closing the library. He also told me to take lunch first, I told him that I have eaten. Since he was going to close the library, I asked if I can borrow the book I was reading. And I was so surprised when he told me that I have read the book for more than an hour already, and still I want to bring it home.

Seriously? What's with people these days? Can't he get that I want to continue reading the book? Does he think I was just flipping through pages and just leisurely sitting inside the library. I was really irritated but doesn't show it. I still have respect to the elders. But he just kicked me out the library, just like that and I feel awful.