Miyerkules, Nobyembre 11, 2015

Cold Lonely Night

Late night and I'm still up
Waiting for something to come
Thinking of the I dreams I made
And how hard it become

It's all like being sent to a war
A battlefield where blood and tears were shed
And all was burned down
Forgotten, unappreciated, and ignored

Tell me why I'm feeling like this
Emotion less, motion less
I can't even think
I don't know what to do when the world around me seems to crash

Kept hearing things you always told me so
Its not even helping
Doing things that doesn't look good to you
Well, I am me

Why do you have to interfere with what I want and what I think?
Are you the one who'll face the consequences
Of the mistakes that I will make
You're not, are you? And I'm right.

Late night and I'm still up
It's harder to breathe now
I'm afraid, if tomorrow I'll be gone
Your happiness it will become

Biyernes, Setyembre 18, 2015

Kicked Out In A Public Library

Whenever I don't have classes it has been my routine to go read in municipal/public library near our neighborhood. I am not someone who stays in school libraries because it's too crowded in there. I find it difficult to concentrate reading when you know that some students think that you are a nerd wanna-be, because it is common in our school that some wears glasses and pretends to read so other people will refer them as nerds. Well, I don't wanna be one of them.

I always stay for two to four hours inside a library, but today was different. In the municipal library, I always find my self alone. Well, there isn't so many people read in a library these days. I feel comfortable about it though.

So I was reading in this library, The Guardian written by Nicholas Sparks. I was inside the library for an hour or so, I kept on reading thinking that the library won't be crowded because it's Friday and a few hours before lunchtime. To think that our country has the anti red tape law, I don't bother going out even if it's lunchtime, also, I visit this library every Monday from ten in the morning to two in the afternoon.

At first, the person-in-charge in the library turned of the air conditioner, it wasn't a big deal for me, I can read without it. But later on, the person-in-charge told me that I needed to go already because he's closing the library. He also told me to take lunch first, I told him that I have eaten. Since he was going to close the library, I asked if I can borrow the book I was reading. And I was so surprised when he told me that I have read the book for more than an hour already, and still I want to bring it home.

Seriously? What's with people these days? Can't he get that I want to continue reading the book? Does he think I was just flipping through pages and just leisurely sitting inside the library. I was really irritated but doesn't show it. I still have respect to the elders. But he just kicked me out the library, just like that and I feel awful.

Huwebes, Mayo 7, 2015

What Is Real

      I never had a good life. But that doesn't mean that I never had a good day or memories. My life, just like others, is a roller coaster ride. I had ups and downs. I cried more that I laughed. I lived 18 years without having a stable life. But that doesn't matter, right? Life without crazy turns isn't exciting.

      I am just like any other girls in the world. I dreamed of a happy life. But what is a happy life if didn't know what sadness is? I laugh with my friends and family to show that I am overwhelmed that they are there to share joyful days with me. But in the end of the day tears just fall from my eyes, it's not because I am too happy, but because I happen to realize that just like seasons, emotions change too. There isn't permanent in this world, we get mad, angry, happy, cheerful, lonely and emotional.

      Have you ever felt like you are living in different worlds with just one life? At school, I am lively, smart, kind. At home, I should be competent, should be like this and that, and all. With friends, I needed to get along with them, share what I have to, and ride on to what they want to. And when alone, I feel like I'm an empty sky, I have so much in me that I couldn't feel it anymore. More likely, it felt like I am just an actress who is in a movie where I needed to act what is stated in the script. I needed to do something to fulfill the expectations of the director, staffs, and viewers.

      It is much harder to play your role in real life. We needed to fit in, to be accepted. If we live the way we wanted to be, people starts criticizing us. And if we ignore them, they start to spread rumors that it become more complicated. We are left with no choice but to live how the world wanted us to be.

      This is what is real. We don't owe anyone but everyone acts like you owe them something. What is real is that we need to give up what we wanted for us to live a life where people won't say something against you. What is real is that we don't really have freedom in this. We are just like the waters in the river, we go with the flow.

Miyerkules, Mayo 6, 2015

What It Takes

          Long ago, I am so selfish that I want everything is perfect just for me. I want to have what others don't, but I'm never greedy with what I have. I'm selfish in a way that I want things rain on me nonstop, with that I can enjoy the blessings that lined up for me to others. But then everything has an end, troubles happened and blessings seemed to pour less and less as time passes. I asked my self once, "Am I greedy? Have I become so selfish? Didn't I share what I received to others?"

          Sometimes we enjoy the things that continue coming and forgot about saving for tomorrow. I've become a waste-what-is-still-there kind of person. I didn't realize that everything on earth has limitations. And as I grew older my eyes saw how ruthless the world can spin. At first we were at the top, the next thing we know is we are slowly sinking in the bottom.

          My parents taught me to be kind, same as my siblings, I do kindness without asking in return. But people take advantage when you started making them favors, they start to depend on you. And when you lose all your possessions because of that kindness, they will also disappear. Some people hold unto you when you still have something that they needed, and leave you when they get what they wanted.

           At the end of the day, you will lose everything, and be left with nothing. Those people whom you helped got luxurious in any way. They earn millions, no, billions, but they never lent you a cent as thanks for your help once. In this generation, only a few people are left that knows how to look back to where they are from.

Sabado, Abril 11, 2015

Empty Minds

         Smart people are different from people talking smart. Smart people gives comments and if they are wrong, they shut up and go on with life. On the other hand, people talking smarts get angry and talks more and more, they won't stop until someone says they are right.
         Have you ever encountered someone who can't drop off an argument? Well, I had. We cannot tell what is in their minds. They keep on repeating words, phrases, and sentences over again without even thinking they are redundant; They can't drop the subject no matter how many times you give your point of view. When everything is supposed to be settled after, they start mentioning about it again. Can't they just shut up and accept the fact that the argument is over?
         In our lives people come and go, so if that person won't move on then make the move and leave that person behind. That kind of person is no good for you to spend time with. Once an argument is over then it's over.
         If he's wrong then he's wrong, if you're right then you are. People should learn to accept and let go.

Lunes, Abril 6, 2015

The Post

Once I posted what's on my mind
It got a couple of likes
A friend commented
And one was hit by it to the bones

That one person is a friend of mine
He sent me messages
Too many hurtful words
And it made me laugh

The post is in general
And he was tagged along in the post
He told me I am a coward
Am I a coward if I tagged him?

Sometimes people were so aggressive
To the point that they no longer make sense
Thanks to my post
I had known him better than before

Realizing who really is a friend
And who is not
Because being friends online
Doesn't mean you are friend personally

Sabado, Abril 4, 2015

That Dream

Ball gowns, glass shoes and a crown
A fancy carriage ride
A castle and a prince
But there isn't such a thing

It is a world full of strangers
Full of sacrifices and lies
We can't trust anyone but thy selves
At the end of the day you can call no one

A world full of fantasies
A great world that appears on televisions
Where two people will meet
And starts a magic you've never seen

I am but a commoner
A daydreamer in the outskirts
I waited and got tired
For love never appeared

I am no like Cinderella
No good looks,
Not kindhearted,
And don't have a fairy godmother

A black sheep indeed I am
But it is wrong to do what your heart desires?
Aren't we free to choose what we want?
Is following the footsteps on the sand will lead me to where I meant to be?

Mountains, a house and flowers around
The sound of the animals
The nature so fragile, so beautiful
That dream, I need to fulfill

Lunes, Marso 30, 2015

Holy Week After Hell Week

School's out and here comes the holy week. But before the holy week, there's this week most students call 'hell week'. It is because it's final examinations week! Everybody tries hard to get passing scores in order to pass the subjects. Most of the students stay late at night reviewing lessons and trying to solve equations. At times like this, the professors paints evil grins on their faces, showing the students how the ballpoint of their pens can affect each students lives.

On the other hand, after the bloody hell week comes the holy week where people used to spend time with their families at home or out of town. Group of people like friends, families or siblings usually climb mountains, do the visita Iglesia (an act where people visits different churches in a day and pray), camp on eco villages, or stay at home and watch movies.

Since it's the start of summer vacation, most people often go to beaches and enjoy the view of the ocean. But for me it's different. My family can't afford to go to out of town trips or go swimming either, so in the end, I usually stay in our house and do usual things like doing the chores. I spend holy weeks at home watching television, surf online, and make shakes that freshens up my body from the heat summer sun brings.

But this summer is different, I have the chance to go in my hometown where my family is living. After three long years, I'll finally meet them again! I'm studying college in a state university oceans apart from my home so it's really difficult to go home every vacation. I am beyond happy getting my first travel alone on my eighteenth birthday. It's not my first time travelling but it is my first time to travel alone. I got my ticket a month ago and will be staying in my hometown for 15 days. It's not too long but I promise to make the most out of it.

Today is the start of Holy week. I will enjoy this week not like the way I do it the other years. I have to repent my sins, and thank God for giving me what I need instead of what I want. He knows best, right?