Stop It, It's Enough!

Sometimes I feel like I'm on fire
It's so hot, I might die
I feel so hopeless, I am tired
Can you tell me, is this life?

Someone's talking bad behind my back
Someone's judging me from afar
Without knowing who I really am
Do they know what I am inside?

If you know me, would you still do it?
If you know my story, would you be brave?
To tell the world, I'm not the girl they think I am
I'm not that someone they say I am

It's not the way I look at you
But the way you look at me
You do what you don't want me to do
Funny, you treat me that way

Don't do unto others what you don't want to be done to you
Haven't you heard of that many times?
Or you didn't understand?
Or you're just the evil you are

Calling all the bullies out there
Aren't you tired of being the loser you are?
Is that how you want to live your life?
Wasted, senseless, lifeless

Are you enjoying the fun you made?
To see someone fall on the ground
To dunk someone's head in the toilet seat
Sticking shameless words on their shirts

Replacing supposed-to-be a wonderful life
With the hell you build up from inside
How does it feel now?
Does it still make you proud?

I'll ask you now,
Are you hurt inside?
Are you hiding a past that it's so painful
You might get crushed

Do you have some unsolved problems in your life?
Why not share it, instead ruining another's life
Don't you think it's unfair?
Don't you think they are struggling too?

You're not the only one in pain,
You're not the only one who is hurting
Every person has wounds unhealed yet
Why would you add more to theirs?

It's scary what you might become
A monster who devours someone's life
A murderer who kills the one's who's living
An evil who fears nothing but himself.

Dear Pretty Boy

Let me tell you a story of a normal girl
Someone who admires you a lot
Who stares at you every minute of the day
Without you knowing I do

I've seen you with so many girls
Most of them got their hearts broken
But, you know what?
I envy them.

They have the courage to approach you
They had spent time with you
And here I am, staring at you again
Wishing you'd give me one glance

All this time, I've been waiting
All these years I've been telling myself
The end is near, and time is slowly fading
When will you look at me? The way you look at her.

Now, I'll introduce myself
If ever you read this,
Please atleast say hi when we meet someday
Or atleast nod at me

I'm this girl who wears eyeglasses everyday
What can I do? I have a poor eyesight
I always tie my hair, because it flies everywhere when I didn't
I don't wear make up, but I put on dark colored lipstick

You see, I'm not a nerd at all
My friends always tell me I'm pretty
I'm not that tall, not too short
I'm tanned, not too dark

I always hang around the canteen with my crazy friends
I can say I'm the loudest among them
But when you pass our way
I can't help but shut my mouth

Don't you notice?
My friends keep on getting your attention
So I can get the chance to say what I'm feeling
But I'm too shy to say anything

You know, I can get a boyfriend
But I didn't
Because I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting for fate to make a way for us

I heard you just broke up with your girl
I wished your okay
And now, you have a new girl, already.
I'm a bit disappointed.

Hi, I'm the girl you never noticed.
But this time, I'll have my own way.
I'll refrain looking at you.
It's time for me to move on.

You're not the guy meant for me.
You're not the guy who would look at me
And this is not a fairytale or a movie
Where you and me are bound to meet

I wish you won't break girl's hearts anymore
You broke mine without doing anything
But it wasn't your fault, I know
It's mine, for being hopeful.

Someday, I'll find my man
Who would only look at me
The way I looked at you before
And I will look at him too, more than the way I do before.

P.S. This is for my friend who had an unrequited love for a schoolmate since our 1st year in college, and we're on our last year now. I hope she finds her one and only.

Death

I wonder what's in your mind on your last breath
I wonder who you last look at until your vision became all dark
If ever you came to the hospital a little earlier, would you still make it?
Or is it destiny? Or fate? Or God's will to take you?

I was so confident that at the break of dawn you'll be back
With much better feeling and is alright
I prayed to God to take care of you
And I guess keeping you to his side was his best option\

I'm sorry I was a coward and never got the chance to say how much I love you
How much I wanted to thank you for taking care of me all these years
Flashbacks of your words kept on running in my mind
Though it didn't mean anything before, it somehow means a lot now

Was it just me? Or everyone else?
I accepted the fact but still regretting.
It's saddening. I couldn't control my tears racing down my face
You are a dad to me after all.

Your words before may cut like a knife, but they are somehow true
I am selfish and sometimes a brat
A small conversation with you is rare
But when we had one, deep points are out

I've always wanted to tell you how I feel but I just can't
I was afraid that you would disagree
I hang out with my friends without you knowing
I don't want you to think I'm neglecting my studies

It's my last year in college, why'd you go?
I thought you'll see me in that stage with a diploma in hand
How am I supposed to study well now?
When the one pushing me to pursue is gone

Are you really gone? I lost direction now.
Give me strength the way you do.
Scold me more to right my wrongs.
I even miss your insults, funny it is, I know.

And now, the people around me don't talk to me anymore.
No one would ask how school was.
I don't know to whom should I ask help
Because I feel more invisible now.

It feels lonely.
No one asked if I'm alright.
No one comforted me once you're gone.
But don't worry, in time, I'll be fine.

And now I realized, no time, no place in particular.
No persons, or feelings, we doesn't know.
Once it's time then it is.
No matter what we'll die anyway.

Cold Lonely Night

Late night and I'm still up
Waiting for something to come
Thinking of the I dreams I made
And how hard it become

It's all like being sent to a war
A battlefield where blood and tears were shed
And all was burned down
Forgotten, unappreciated, and ignored

Tell me why I'm feeling like this
Emotion less, motion less
I can't even think
I don't know what to do when the world around me seems to crash

Kept hearing things you always told me so
Its not even helping
Doing things that doesn't look good to you
Well, I am me

Why do you have to interfere with what I want and what I think?
Are you the one who'll face the consequences
Of the mistakes that I will make
You're not, are you? And I'm right.

Late night and I'm still up
It's harder to breathe now
I'm afraid, if tomorrow I'll be gone
Your happiness it will become

Kicked Out In A Public Library

Whenever I don't have classes it has been my routine to go read in municipal/public library near our neighborhood. I am not someone who stays in school libraries because it's too crowded in there. I find it difficult to concentrate reading when you know that some students think that you are a nerd wanna-be, because it is common in our school that some wears glasses and pretends to read so other people will refer them as nerds. Well, I don't wanna be one of them.

I always stay for two to four hours inside a library, but today was different. In the municipal library, I always find my self alone. Well, there isn't so many people read in a library these days. I feel comfortable about it though.

So I was reading in this library, The Guardian written by Nicholas Sparks. I was inside the library for an hour or so, I kept on reading thinking that the library won't be crowded because it's Friday and a few hours before lunchtime. To think that our country has the anti red tape law, I don't bother going out even if it's lunchtime, also, I visit this library every Monday from ten in the morning to two in the afternoon.

At first, the person-in-charge in the library turned of the air conditioner, it wasn't a big deal for me, I can read without it. But later on, the person-in-charge told me that I needed to go already because he's closing the library. He also told me to take lunch first, I told him that I have eaten. Since he was going to close the library, I asked if I can borrow the book I was reading. And I was so surprised when he told me that I have read the book for more than an hour already, and still I want to bring it home.

Seriously? What's with people these days? Can't he get that I want to continue reading the book? Does he think I was just flipping through pages and just leisurely sitting inside the library. I was really irritated but doesn't show it. I still have respect to the elders. But he just kicked me out the library, just like that and I feel awful.

What Is Real

      I never had a good life. But that doesn't mean that I never had a good day or memories. My life, just like others, is a roller coaster ride. I had ups and downs. I cried more that I laughed. I lived 18 years without having a stable life. But that doesn't matter, right? Life without crazy turns isn't exciting.

      I am just like any other girls in the world. I dreamed of a happy life. But what is a happy life if didn't know what sadness is? I laugh with my friends and family to show that I am overwhelmed that they are there to share joyful days with me. But in the end of the day tears just fall from my eyes, it's not because I am too happy, but because I happen to realize that just like seasons, emotions change too. There isn't permanent in this world, we get mad, angry, happy, cheerful, lonely and emotional.

      Have you ever felt like you are living in different worlds with just one life? At school, I am lively, smart, kind. At home, I should be competent, should be like this and that, and all. With friends, I needed to get along with them, share what I have to, and ride on to what they want to. And when alone, I feel like I'm an empty sky, I have so much in me that I couldn't feel it anymore. More likely, it felt like I am just an actress who is in a movie where I needed to act what is stated in the script. I needed to do something to fulfill the expectations of the director, staffs, and viewers.

      It is much harder to play your role in real life. We needed to fit in, to be accepted. If we live the way we wanted to be, people starts criticizing us. And if we ignore them, they start to spread rumors that it become more complicated. We are left with no choice but to live how the world wanted us to be.

      This is what is real. We don't owe anyone but everyone acts like you owe them something. What is real is that we need to give up what we wanted for us to live a life where people won't say something against you. What is real is that we don't really have freedom in this. We are just like the waters in the river, we go with the flow.

What It Takes

          Long ago, I am so selfish that I want everything is perfect just for me. I want to have what others don't, but I'm never greedy with what I have. I'm selfish in a way that I want things rain on me nonstop, with that I can enjoy the blessings that lined up for me to others. But then everything has an end, troubles happened and blessings seemed to pour less and less as time passes. I asked my self once, "Am I greedy? Have I become so selfish? Didn't I share what I received to others?"

          Sometimes we enjoy the things that continue coming and forgot about saving for tomorrow. I've become a waste-what-is-still-there kind of person. I didn't realize that everything on earth has limitations. And as I grew older my eyes saw how ruthless the world can spin. At first we were at the top, the next thing we know is we are slowly sinking in the bottom.

          My parents taught me to be kind, same as my siblings, I do kindness without asking in return. But people take advantage when you started making them favors, they start to depend on you. And when you lose all your possessions because of that kindness, they will also disappear. Some people hold unto you when you still have something that they needed, and leave you when they get what they wanted.

           At the end of the day, you will lose everything, and be left with nothing. Those people whom you helped got luxurious in any way. They earn millions, no, billions, but they never lent you a cent as thanks for your help once. In this generation, only a few people are left that knows how to look back to where they are from.