I never had a good life. But that doesn't mean that I never had a good day or memories. My life, just like others, is a roller coaster ride. I had ups and downs. I cried more that I laughed. I lived 18 years without having a stable life. But that doesn't matter, right? Life without crazy turns isn't exciting.
I am just like any other girls in the world. I dreamed of a happy life. But what is a happy life if didn't know what sadness is? I laugh with my friends and family to show that I am overwhelmed that they are there to share joyful days with me. But in the end of the day tears just fall from my eyes, it's not because I am too happy, but because I happen to realize that just like seasons, emotions change too. There isn't permanent in this world, we get mad, angry, happy, cheerful, lonely and emotional.
Have you ever felt like you are living in different worlds with just one life? At school, I am lively, smart, kind. At home, I should be competent, should be like this and that, and all. With friends, I needed to get along with them, share what I have to, and ride on to what they want to. And when alone, I feel like I'm an empty sky, I have so much in me that I couldn't feel it anymore. More likely, it felt like I am just an actress who is in a movie where I needed to act what is stated in the script. I needed to do something to fulfill the expectations of the director, staffs, and viewers.
It is much harder to play your role in real life. We needed to fit in, to be accepted. If we live the way we wanted to be, people starts criticizing us. And if we ignore them, they start to spread rumors that it become more complicated. We are left with no choice but to live how the world wanted us to be.
This is what is real. We don't owe anyone but everyone acts like you owe them something. What is real is that we need to give up what we wanted for us to live a life where people won't say something against you. What is real is that we don't really have freedom in this. We are just like the waters in the river, we go with the flow.