December Thoughts

I know this Christmas will never be the same
It's colder than it should be
It's sadder than it has been
It's painted black and white

Santa Claus won't be coming again tonight
Everything feels so empty
Every song felt so lonely
It's been like this lately

It is a season to be warm with love
To share kindness and the blessings we have
To give and not ask for something in return
To put a smile to the face of a man in pain

But I can hear the cries
I can see the tears falling
The hopes dying
The lights fading

My heart feels everything
The darkness and sorrows
I have to let it go
To end it all

To end it all, is not easy
To move on is harder than it seems
To say I'm fine when I'm not
It's even harder to say it these days

It is a nightmare before Christmas
But how long will it haunt us?
How much more it will burden us?
Until when will we ever bear it?

We're not strong enough to carry it all
To take all the blame
To say we're still okay when we're not
To not breakdown when it becomes unbearable

Breathe, take a sigh
Let all the stress go
Clear your mind
Calm your heart

Count your blessings
Cry if it is getting harder
Let your emotion take over you for once
The anger, the pain, the sorrow

If it feels light enough
Take a look at the stars
They're surrounded with darkness
But at some point they still manage to give light to others

Dear Mom

Every time I see you, I tear up
Is it because I hate you for meddling with my life?
Or I'm thankful because you do?
Either way, I still can't explain why

We don't talk so often like other girls does
We don't go shopping that much
We don't share our thoughts
But that doesn't mean we're not close enough

I understand you have work and is busy
You don't have time to spend with us
I know you're doing it for us
And I know how much you want to play with us

I know how selfless you've been for us
How you swallowed your pride for us
You turned your back to important people in you life
Just to be with us

And now we're all grown up
You're old and the lines on your face shows it all
But your love didn't change
But we did change

I want to see a whole new world
I had to go away
I had to leave you behind
I made you worry, but you didn't stop me

You want me to do what I want
You gave me freedom
And I thought I can without you
I am wrong

How do I thank you
When you've given me so much
How do I show my love
When yours is overflowing

Sometimes when I feel empty
I just want to call you and hear your voice
I want to see you and hold you tight
I want to kiss you and say how much I miss you

I couldn't do it though
I'm afraid I might breakdown
I'm afraid you'll feel lonely
I'm afraid it will be the last

Dear Mom,
I don't want to see you hurting
You don't have to protect me anymore
I'm all grown up now

You don't have to go out to cry alone
You don't have to do things all on your own
Don't keep all the burden
Just tell me to hug you tight, I will

Always remember that you're forever in my heart
You're irreplaceable
You're the only one for me
I love you so much.

The Curse is Still Here

Looking back in the old days
When you cut this little girl's hair
The same old style
And tell her she's pretty the way she is

You pour so much love
She grew up with confidence
She's independent and is strong
You're the one who taught her that

But the fairy tale you wrote for her
It didn't went well as planned
The spell didn't last long
The magic is slowly fading

The storm came and the castle is gone
The King and Queen lost their thrones
The people forsake them
It's all ruined

With love the King and Queen tried to start anew
They tried to make things right
But what was wrong is always wrong
It will never change, can't be whiten out

Sorrowful time has passed
The little girl earned broken pieces
Broken pieces of secrets
Slowly completing the picture

Like a strike of lightning
The secrets unveiled
The answers came out
It totally broke the little girl's heart

Knowing everything without showing it
Feigning ignorance and keeping thoughts
Keeping a straight face and keeping the tears
She learned it all

She wears a smile just like the queen's
She just listen like the king
She silently accept criticisms and insults
She stuffed all the pain inside

At night she would cry
A silent prayer, wishing everything will be alright
Cheering herself up
Wiping her tears nonstop

She sees what's not supposed to be seen
She hears what she shouldn't
But it was never shared
She locked it inside her

There's so much that she wants to say
But she's afraid if she sings
They will all turn their backs and walk away
Like what the people has done to her before

Now, the pressures on
Her mind's in chaos
What's wrong and right
Should and Shouldn't collides

She's black and white
She still fights
Though all she have is herself
And a God.

If You Are Mine

I saw you in the cafeteria again today
With your black hair messy, with your Missy
Too bad, you're not mine
Too bad, there's no us

You waved and smiled
Everything around us has stopped
The noise of everyone around has become a sweet melody
You're making me breathless

My heart seemed to stop beating normally
It feels good and bad
I think my head isn't functioning right
My system gone crazy

I smiled back
But the moment was cut
She hugged you from behind
And it all turned black

It hurts to see you smiling for her
But it hurts more to see you crying because of her
If you're mine, I'll make you smile
I won't make you cry

If you are mine, I'll give you love
A love that's overflowing
I'll support you in everything
I'll be the girl that will stay

I won't give you a hard time
I'll make sure you're always fine
You'll be the only one in my life
Only if you are mine

Piss Off!

In a song I can't understand
A familiar feeling crawls slowly in my heart
Amidst the broken lines from before
It makes its way silently

I was doing fine a minute ago
And now look how devastated I am
Words that I can't understand
Somehow it still feels nice

Not knowing anything is good
Seeing the real thing is depressing
If you don't want me to go away
Then tell me to stay

But, dear, why are you so confusing?
You're pushing and pulling
Am I yours to throw when I'm of no use anymore?
Am I a toy you'll get enough and dispose?

When I speak the truth
You won't believe a word
If I lie, I'm bad
I'm evil, and that makes me mad

Are you that great to treat me like that?
If you are, then look at yourself now.
I swear to the brightest star in the sky,
It is not you I need in my life.

Your witticism is not funny
It doesn't make sense
It is ugly
A trash it is, stop it.

I am but a small being.
But I make big things you couldn't see.
You know nothing about me.
So stop making stories, and pick up your life on the ground.

Time and Fallen Tears

I see hope in blinding city lights
When I take a deep breath in smokey streets
It somehow comfort me
It somehow make me feel alive

At the sight of everyone in pain, I find my self lucky
Lucky to be struggling inside
Happy to know not a single person have an idea what I'm going through
Glad that no one will pity me

There's no water but I'm drowning
Slowly, with words they're smothering me
To go away is not an option
To stay is a decision

Choices are all the same
Explained differently but still the same
Is this fate?
Or just a nightmare, I'll never wake up?

The dam filled with sacred water
Made with pain and memories gained
It broke and made its way down the face
Of a sinner who tried to steal a perfect life

Now is the time
It won't end, it won't stop
Until the red-stained sky becomes black
And the blue ocean becomes dark

Thank You

Thank you because you stood up for me back in kindergarten.
Thank you because you shared the punishment with me back in 1st grade.
Thank you because you helped me survive 2nd grade.
Thank you because you gave me a note pad back in 3rd grade.
Thank you because you spent so much time with me on 3rd grade.
Thank you because you colored my hair back in 4th grade.
Thank you because you helped me in math recitation.
Thank you because you're there with me and my younger brother when a fire broke out in school and everyone else is in panic.
Thank you because you make me go to libraries in 5th grade.
Thank you for still being my friend that time.
Thank you for ignoring me, but still you're good to me in class.
Thank you for inviting me to your house.
Thank you for those meals with you and your family at lunch in your mom's office.
Thank you for the days in the park we spent together.
Thank you for the movie marathons we had.
Thank you for accepting me in your school in 6th grade.
Thank you for thinking I was a brilliant kid.
Thank you for having a crush on me.
Thank you for playing volleyball with me.
Thank you for being a good friend to me.
Thank you for betraying me.
Thank you for telling me I'm not a good dancer.
Thank you for stealing food in the canteen just for me back in 1st year high.
Thank you for making me the group leader.
Thank you for thinking that I'm a good girl scout.
Thank you for forgiving me when I din't say goodbye.
Thank you for accepting me I transferred to your school half of 1st year high.
Thank you for teaching things I didn't know before.
Thank you for helping me adjust to the new environment.
Thank you for accepting me in glee club.
Thank you for discovering my potentials back in 2nd year high.
Thank you for accepting me as an editorial writer in the school paper.
Thank you for those unplanned adventure in the mountains.
Thank you for helping me in MTAPs.
Thank you for helping me win the student council elections.
Thank you for making me cry because we fought.
Thank you for making me dance again.
Thank you for not discouraging me.
Thank you for sharing the things we like.
Thank you for teaching me how to swim.
Thank you for loving me like I am your youngest sibling.
Thank you for worrying when I was gone.
Thank you for accepting me again in your school at 3rd year high.
Thank you for helping me in Chemistry class.
Thank you for believing in me.
Thank you for making me laugh in boring classes.
Thank you for teaching me how to cheat on exams.
Thank you for singing songs for me.
Thank you for teaching me how to skip classes.
Thank you for treating me on your birthday.
Thank you for sending me home when I was sick.
Thank you for telling me I'm pretty, though I'm not.
Thank you for being my first friend when I transferred school in 4th year high.
Thank you for understanding me in tough times.
Thank you for recognizing my talents.
Thank you because you added me in your circle.
Thank you because you're my most awkward seatmate.
Thank you because you let me copy your answers in Math during exams.
Thank you because you made me realized things.
Thank you because you caught me when I fell.
Thank you because you were there when I thought I lose my friends.
Thank you because you told me my shirt made me looked like a cinnamon roll.
Thank you because you had a crush on me.
Thank you because you're my first dance at prom.
Thank you because you're my last dance.
Thank you because you wanted to dance with me though it's already time to go.
Thank you for the late night talks.
Thank you for that conversation we had that night.
Thank you for cheering me up when I was down.
Thank you for letting me borrow your shoes when I forgot mine.
Thank you for buying me the voodoo doll I wanted.
Thank you for buying me that handkerchief with my name on it, I lost it now, I'm sorry.
Thank you for making me that bracelet and keychain.
Thank you for believing in me.
Thank you for listening to my rants and lies.
Thank you for making me fly when I'm down.
Thank you for approaching me in 1st year in college.
Thank you for staying with me all the time.
Thank you for making me an officer of our department's organization.
Thank you for appreciating my works.
Thank you for teaching me writing sports news.
Thank you for helping me in exams.
Thank you for recognizing me as your best friend.
Thank you for making me the president of sports club in 2nd year college.
Thank you for making me the president-elect of Rotaract club.
Thank you for following my orders.
Thank you for walking around the campus with me at late night.
Thank you for those conversations while drinking milktea.
Thank you for treating me foods.
Thank you for helping me run in the student council elections.
Thank you for the trip to Cebu ticket for my 18th birthday.
Thank you for electing me as student council's secretary on 3rd year in college.
Thank you because you stood up for me during meetings.
Thank you for still giving me projects.
Thank you for choosing me as representative of our school for HIV and AIDS awareness.
Thank you because you helped me with my presentation.
Thank you because you congratulated me when I won essay writing contests.
Thank you because you're not like them.
Thank you for making my heart flutter.
Thank you for being my movie buddy.
Thank you for letting me stay in your house when I don't want to go home yet.
Thank you for making me treat your mom like my mom.
Thank you for sending me home for Christmas.
Thank you for helping me in my narrative report.
Thank you for the island hopping in Mactan Island and islets
Thank you for inviting me in your wedding.
Thank you for meeting me again after five long years.
Thank you for the dinner together after 4 years.
Thank you for making me feel special.
Thank you for the part time job.
Thank you for comforting me when I lost my beloved uncle.
Thank you for making me stay in your house.
Thank you for still supporting me.
Thank you because you're all still there for me.
Thank you because each of you is still there waiting for me.