You're Confusing

I ended things before it even started
I know I'm not sure of what you feel
My heart confuses me too
I just want to play safe

If we fall in love
Things will not be that great if it ends
We might fall without even knowing it wasn't love
In the end, we'll only get pain

If we continue going this way
Being more than friends and less than lovers
Life won't be the same anymore
Things are already getting complicated

If you don't like me, tell me
So I won't assume
I won't take your sweetness too much
And I won't hold on to your words

If I fall without you catching me
Wouldn't that make me a fool?
If I would love you alone
Wouldn't I get hurt?

It's better not to love
Not to care
Not to feel anything for you
If in the end, we'll realized it wasn't love

Let's just be friends
Let's just hang out like before
No dramas
No commitments

Please don't do things that will make me feel loved
Please don't be so kind
Please don't make me feel like I'm special
I don't want to assume something when it is nothing

I'm a girl after all
Though it doesn't show, I'm fragile too
I might see things differently
I might take the things you do for me wrongly

I'm afraid, I don't deserve you
Or you don't deserve me
You deserve better
Much better

It is merely love
We can't just settle for something so suddenly
Not all sparks lasts long
Some just stays for a while and never comes back

Let's be honest with our feelings
Let's not give our all and give up
Let's not waste our time
Let's not shed tears for wrong love

If I were you I'd say what's in my mind
I'll make things clear before the strings are all tangled up
I would be brave to say everything
Than to prolong and just make things hard for the both of us

If letting go is the only way
Then let's do it
Let's move on and not reminisce
For love is not like this

If You Do

You called my name for no reason at all

Your existence filled an empty space in my heart

But I'm afraid it will fall

And break apart

You push and pull

You make me confused

Like a fool

I'm slowly falling, I can't refuse

If you treat me this way more than twice

I might get used to it

I might misunderstood

That your kindness is love that I'm looking for

I'm going with your flow

Not caring whether I would drown nor survive

If falling in love with you means hurting

Then maybe I'll take the pain until I get numb

Your warm hands that held mine

The sensation still lingers on my palm

Your shoulder I fell asleep on

I'm missing it all this time

You're my first real date

Hours sitting by the water with you, I wouldn't mind

Hand in hand we walked around

I wished I didn't let go

Sometimes I wish your jokes are real

When you joke about how you like me

When you say that you want to be with me

When you say you love me

If you do have feelings for me

Please tell me straightforwardly

Because if I continue feeling this way

I might get hurt badly

If you do 

If you love me

Tell me

I might want to be with you too.

December Thoughts

I know this Christmas will never be the same
It's colder than it should be
It's sadder than it has been
It's painted black and white

Santa Claus won't be coming again tonight
Everything feels so empty
Every song felt so lonely
It's been like this lately

It is a season to be warm with love
To share kindness and the blessings we have
To give and not ask for something in return
To put a smile to the face of a man in pain

But I can hear the cries
I can see the tears falling
The hopes dying
The lights fading

My heart feels everything
The darkness and sorrows
I have to let it go
To end it all

To end it all, is not easy
To move on is harder than it seems
To say I'm fine when I'm not
It's even harder to say it these days

It is a nightmare before Christmas
But how long will it haunt us?
How much more it will burden us?
Until when will we ever bear it?

We're not strong enough to carry it all
To take all the blame
To say we're still okay when we're not
To not breakdown when it becomes unbearable

Breathe, take a sigh
Let all the stress go
Clear your mind
Calm your heart

Count your blessings
Cry if it is getting harder
Let your emotion take over you for once
The anger, the pain, the sorrow

If it feels light enough
Take a look at the stars
They're surrounded with darkness
But at some point they still manage to give light to others